Being the mixed girl

by Alexis McClimon
(Jeffersonville, Indiana USA)

Being 16 with a black mother and a white father was hard growing up. This is such a racist time and its even worse for a mixed kid. Just recently I met my dad it's embarrassing for me to go to a store with a white man and get stared at it just doesn't feel right. A lot of mixed girls go two ways the ghetto way or the classy way. It's so hard to choose who you want to be friends with. If your with the white girls they'll just call you preppy and a wannabe, but if your with the black girls you're considered a ghetto 'ratchet' girl. So I just decided to be myself and that's being friends with all kind of different people. I weigh 110 and I am 5'7, i have large breasts for my size I guess you can say and a "big butt for my size" so people say. I have very low self esteem i have a birthmark the size of a quarter that's so dark on the right side of my neck, shaved head and a short bob. I get embarrassed just looking at myself in the mirror. When people say that I'm beautiful i just get mad at them and throw a fit. I feel like they say it because I AM ugly and they just want to make me feel better about myself. Walking through the halls i get stares because my boobs stick out so much they're the only thing big on me. Yes I am a virgin. I have no respect for myself why should I? I model for a lot of people I mean i guess that's a reason? I don't know Oh and I didn't mention that I have never been in a fight but I do have a bad mouth and a REALLY bad temper. Girls love to talk about me behind my back and spread rumors some of the girls i thought i could trust. They pick a fight for know reason. My family says that they are just intimidated and jealous of my looks I just don't see why. I talk to a whole bunch of mixed girls and they go through the same..... well the girls like me at least. I just want to say to all the mixed girls that feel like love, happiness, or even luck will some around i just want to say that it will I PROMISE.

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